Who is Betty?
Betty Danger’s Country Club (Restaurant/Bar) is located in the Village of Palm Springsland, a little known, but highly visible enclave in the beautiful Northeast Arts District of Minneapolis. In the Village of Palm Springsland, Betty Danger’s Country Club serves to protect the creative class from the tyranny and tragedy of the 1%. In Palm Springsland, classism doesn’t exist and everyone drinks Margaritas. Welcome to the Country Club for the 99%. Membership not required.
Betty is the youngest sibling of the Van Der Bock family. When Betty was 5, she went to a country club with her parents. When she tried to play with some other little girls at the club, they made fun of her mismatched tartans and lack of croquet etiquette, causing Betty to become very distraught. She began running wildly across the golf course with tears streaming down her swollen face towards what she thought was a gorilla, a ferris wheel, and a pack of green ponies but passed out on the lawn due to hyperventilation and hysteria. Her parents took her home. She arrived safe at home in her bed and when she awoke, she vowed to open her own country club someday… one that welcomes everyone.
Betty does have other siblings. The eldest is Sabrina of Saint Sabrina’s Parlor in Purgatory. Sabrina is in purgatory where professionalism and creativity collide. Though highly educated, her artistic streak predominates. And though heavily pierced and tattooed, she is, ironically, the wisest and most normal of the bunch.
After Sabrina, came “Psycho” Suzi. Crazy second sister Suzi is still somewhat of a mystery. Why she went nuts, is anyone’s guess, but after years away on some distant tropical island with some questionable natives, she returned to open the obvious… a poor man’s paradise where tiki drinks and pizza are plentiful and can be enjoyed on the river in Northeast Minneapolis. She named this escape after herself. Suzi understood the plight of her big sister and honors her creative endeavors by employing a lot of nutty creatives.
Donny and Frank were born next, as twins. They spent their entire childhood together perfecting pepperoni pizza rolls and building monster tricycles. One day, while test driving their new tricycle, Frank returned home acting strange and Donny had to lock him in the garage. Yes, Frank had turned into a zombie. Donny went on to run Donny Dirk’s Zombie Den where he protected humans from the Zombie Apocalypse (including Frank) at his cocktail lounge. His undead zombie brother Frank ran the food truck, as that is all Donny allowed him to do, since only live humans should be allowed on the streets. Donny, who is partly responsible for Frank’s mishap, kept Frank locked inside the truck for everyone’s safety, as well as to continue the tradition of making pepperoni pizza rolls (zombie bites). Frank and Donny are now dead. RIP Frank and Donny.
And almost last, we have Betty, who is married to George. George is missing a foot, but he has it…somewhere. Betty and George are in love. He built her a mechanical tree to lure her outside. Unfortunately, that didn’t work. Betty spends all day inside her country club tending to her friends, cooking and baking, and talking to her imaginary pets. One of her pets, Bitsy the Shitsu, had some serious dementia and bit Betty, so George stuffed her and set her on the mantle. George told Betty that Bitsy is concentrating intently on protecting her, and that is why she never moves. Betty believes in George, so she tries to keep it all together by showcasing her tea cup collection, making bon bons for her friends, and wallpapering. Betty is a wonderful hostess and hopes that nasty economic & political apocalypse ends soon so she may go outside. Someday.
And dead last, but never ever least is Mr. Steven. Mr. Steven is trying to save the future one conversation at a time. He is eccentric, borderlining on insane. Because he was adopted, he feels misunderstood and perpetually demands clarification. So, he opened Mr. Steven’s Snuggery where he could have cocktail parties where intercourse and penetration unite people. (Intercourse i.e. conversation and communication; Penetration i.e. comprehension and deep understanding) Mr. Steven likes loaded topics, double entendres, innuendo and sexy sci-fi.